Our work team has recently had a few new members added into the mix, and so in the name of creating team spirit, our company gave our team some money and told us to go and bond
by whatever means necessary. After much discussion we agreed that an all-you-can-eat Brazilian Barbecue restaurant was to be the venue of our staff shindig.
The entrance was bizarrely dominated by two fake palm trees with plastic bananas hanging from them. I should have known such oddness was an indicator of strangeness to follow. Initially everything seemed fairly normal; bain marie filled with various kinds of flaccid vegetables, cheap meat and frozen desserts. But just as we were settling into our meal the lights were dimmed, and amp distorting 90’s dance music came blasting out of nowhere. As we all craned to see what the fuss was about, four scantily clad dancers came into the middle of the restaurant, covered in face paints and wearing synthetic grass skirts, frolicking to the 90’s beats.
I’m no expert, but if I was asked to describe their performance in one word, “Brazilian” surely wouldn’t have been it. Cultural authenticity issues aside, it was entertaining and we all clapped, ready to get back to our food. Nope. More performances. This went on for about 25 minutes – I assume it was to make sure everybody was too embarrassed to run through the semi naked performers for more food. It was some of the weirdest shit I’ve ever seen. After the first act finished, some guy came out brandishing a flaming stick that he was too inept to do anything with. He burnt himself twice, swung it around with about as much finesse as an arthritic Labrador, and left us with a restaurant full of paraffin smoke. Excellent!
Once Captain Pyro had finished injuring himself it was time for the
… fuck knows what next dance; a group of incredibly feminine guys in transparent shirts mincing around for another 5 minutes. Truly baffling!
When it was over we were left in a kind of daze, unsure about what had just happened and whether or not it was okay to talk about. The rest of the meal went fairly normally, until the nightmare acid trip flashback… A man in a bunny costume came out handing lollies to adults and children alike, forcing his victims to play Cat’s Cradle.
Brazilian? No. It was about as Brazilian as Hull, but it was certainly an experience to remember!